In our upstairs closet are boxes stacked with every magazine containing at least one article I have written. With some going back 45 years, why I keep them, I don’t have the slightest idea. I never look at them. But because I do take pride in having been a regularly published writer, I guess that after I have passed away one of my children may want them, so the boxes can take up space in their closets. Whatever the case, I can’t bring myself to throw them away. Though many of them are “how to” stories, I took the most pride in my published humor articles. I also took pride in the “Letters To The Editor” complimenting my articles. Other than my enjoyment of putting words to print, not to mention continuing what I have done most of my adult life, that’s why I enjoy writing this blog. I get my “Letters To The Editor” via the comment section. “Liked” is nice, but a few words in the “comment section” is better. I think all of us bloggers can agree on that. And, of course, I take pride when someone thinks enough of one of my posts to reblog it.
But for a long while I believed anything I took real pride in were things accomplished during my younger years. For instance, I was proud I graduated high school, proud I was chosen to play professional baseball, proud I served in the military, and proud I was always employed and brought home the paycheck to a family that depended on me. I could go on to say I am proud I made it to retirement age in good health. But that was by the grace of God. I beat up on my body with cigarettes for far more years than were given to many cancer and heart attack victims now deceased. But then I began thinking. There had to be some things I can be proud of since retiring. I just had to give it some serious thought: something I don’t usually make a habit of doing. After all you never know when a guy might get a brain infraction. So I believe I will begin a list as they come to mind of what I will call “My Old Fart Accomplishments.” I figure that way I can keep my brain unclogged for far more important matters, such as my few excuses for getting out of “honey-dos” that actually worked. So I will begin….
1. After shoving cigarettes in my face for some 50 plus years, I quit a year and a half ago. Whether I’ll put a marijuana smoke in my face when the retail outlets open this summer remains to be seen. The problem with that is I wouldn’t dare write a post while smoking. I would find every word I put to print hilarious, and would be kicking out posts every half hour.
2. I take pride owning more fishing gear than any ten husbands should be allowed.
3. So, in turn, I take pride in my maneuvering skills in purchasing all my fishing gear.
4. I take pride in convincing my wife to allow the grim reaper time to finally notice me rather than committing what she would consider to be justifiable homicide.
5. I take pride that I can still convince my grandkids that a surprise is awaiting them if they pull my finger.
6. I take pride in being able to “enhance” a day of fishing with a good story, and within a week actually believe it myself.
7. I take pride in seeing the twisted contortions of my wife’s face when entering the bathroom directly after my morning’s constitutional. Even a HazMat team would not be that foolhardy.
8. I take pride in always eating a balanced meal, making certain my fried potatoes on one side of the plate weighs no more than the fried meat on the other.
9. I take pride that I only take four pills a day. A baby aspirin, a thyroid pill for an inactive thyroid which is located…I don’t have the slightest idea where, blood pressure medication, and a Lipitor in case diet and exercise are not enough. Of course I don’t diet or exercise, so I’m counting on the Lipitor to take up the slack.
10. I’m proud that my neighbors no longer slow down as they drive by to see how I might amuse them. Sheesh! You would think they’d never seen a man casting a new rod and reel in the front yard, or seen someone sitting in a boat with a pole in his hand…while in the garage.
11. That brings to mind something else I am proud of. I take pride in that I still come up in conversation at my wife’s pinnacle club, even if they are words of understanding condolences.
12. I take pride that “Ole Blue” has been replaced with a new truck. Now I actually have a towing vehicle that cost more than the bassboat it’s towing.
13. And, lastly, I take pride in knowing there are fellow writers who actually take the time to read my humble attempts at lightening their day with my ramblings….