To Whom It May Concern…Hopefully The Guy Who Hires The Writers,
I have been a published humor writer for many years. Now retired I have made the decision to make an attempt to join your staff of fishing catalog writers. After reading one of my sales pitches I believe the customer will purchase the product out of an unexplainable excitement derived totally through my writing prowess…that and the fact that most of the bass fishermen I know have an IQ just a little higher than a tater tot. Anyway, here is a sample ad I wrote….
Bassterbaiters Tackle Company is proud to announce their 2014 line up of combination rod and reels. Yes, we have a combination of gear to fit any specie of fish swimming the fresh or salt waters; anything from our PollyWog model for catching Bluegill fish, to our Great Sperm Whale model, (cannon and harpoon sold separately.) Which ever rod and reel you choose they all have a sensitivity beyond belief. If a fish is even thinking about eating your lure, the rod will tell you. If the fish breathes, (okay, fish don’t breath, but you get my point,) on your lure the sensation will transmit right up the line, down your pole, causing a vibration that will have your teeth rattling. And if they actually bite…your eyeballs will be playing “Pinball Wizard” in their sockets!
And light? Both rod and reel are made out of a patent pending material called “Vapor.” Though the materials used to manufacture these fishing wonders are under lock and key, I have been authorized to say they are made out of a combination of air and…well, air, with a touch of helium.These rod and reels are so light you’ll hardly know their in your hands when fishing. In fact while field testing this amazing fish-catching combo, I fished for over two hours before I realized there was nothing in my hands. I had left the rod and reel back in the truck. Yes! They are that light!
At an unbelievable price of just three easy payments of $119.99 plus the cost of shipping and handling, which is equivalent to them being delivered via the Space Shuttle, these pieces of fishing magic are yours. We’ll even throw in a fake receipt for $19.99 to show the wife. You only have to pay the added shipping and handling charges for the fake receipt….
Okay, what do you think? I will be waiting with baited breath…No pun intended.
Your Ever-Waiting Servant Who Could Use An Extra Paycheck,