I just finished reading one of my favorite blogs, Chocolate Vent. Her latest post was about knowing when it is time to discard personal items; clothes, a well-worn toothbrush, ect. ect.. It got me to thinking; an occurance that can cause a humor writer permanent brain damage if practiced too often. So for that reason it is something I try not to make a habit of doing.
“What’s that stupid look on your face?” Maxine asked, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. How that woman can appear out of thin air is scary!
“That happens to be my thinking look miss no-it-all,” I smugly replied.
“Well stop it. It always gets you in trouble.”
She was right, but that’s beside the point. And it would have been fine if left there. But the normal woman, my wife being no exception, just cannot stand by not knowing absolutely everything that is going on in her home, which includes any activities within the gray matter between my ears. So she had to ask. “Okay, what are you thinking about?”
“Throwing away stuff. I’m trying to remember the last time I actually threw away something I own.”
“That’s because you don’t, you nimrod!” she shot back. “I have to do it for you! Take your tooth brush for instance….”
Oh Lord! Once more I had voluntarily opened up a can of worms, not to mention a mega bite computer vault located somewhere in her brain from which she can bring up all past information as needed. She calls it relative data. I call it a computer virus.
Though I pretend I don’t, I do notice certain personal items suspiciously missing, and new items appearing in their place; new clothes in the closet, a new toothbrush or comb on my bathroom cabinet, ect. ect., The bottom line, if it were not for my personal needs fairy visiting while I’m away, I would still be wearing and using the stuff given to me as gifts over the past twenty years of Christmas’ and birthdays. I just don’t take it upon myself to buy anything personal. In fact the thought doesn’t even cross my mind. Really!
I’ll be the first to admit I am terrible about throwing personal stuff away. It probably goes back to my childhood. Though not poor, we still didn’t have money to throw around. And at an early age I was aware of the sacrifices our parents made. So if a watch band broke, it simply became a pocket watch. Why not? It still kept time. Tooth paste? That tube couldn’t have gotten any flatter or more tightly rolled up when it was finally replaced. Clothes, if too worn or stained, they became play clothes until they had almost lost all resemblance to their manufactured beginnings. Underwear, hey, as long as I could tell which were the holes the legs went in, they were still in working order. Who was going to see them? “Always have new-looking underwear on in case you get in an accident and have to go to the emergency room!” Sorry, the hospital staff would have to deal with the trauma of my shorts as well as the injury. My mother always bought socks in either black or white. That way if one got torn or the drier mysteriously ate it, there was always a mate waiting to take its place. That practice remains with me to this day!
Now, please, don’t get me wrong. I am not a miser. I spend my money freely, just not on personal items such as clothes, jewelry, ect. Well, there is one personal item I buy. I do spend money on my number one hobby, fishing. And though I sometimes tout in my posts that I do it to extremes, I really don’t. But it is certainly an expense I don’t neglect.
So when it comes to throwing away personal items, I guess it is a matter of priorities. And sometimes…no, all the time, those priorities widely differ between my wife and myself. Now I think I may go up and take a look at my toothbrush…Naaaahhhh! Now that Spring is here I think I’ll go out to my boat and see if I need any new tackle….