I often use terminologies only familiar to fellow fishermen. To anyone else they are not exactly a foreign language, but more like words and phrases used with different meanings. So for the sake of my meager group of dedicated followers, here is my “Fisherman’s Dictionary.” So if you have absolutely nothing better to do, this may come in handy…Well it might! Sheesh!
1. Great day of fishing: Any day I fish alone, leaving no one to contradict my story.
2. Successful pattern: Two fish caught anytime during the day that were on two lures that even remotely resembled one another.
3. Structure: What I hit with my outboard motor, forcing me to dig through my tackle box for a replacement sheer pin that’s actually back home in the garage.
4. Top water lure: My grandkids’ Ducky Bobber left in the boat and worms after not getting a bite on every lure in my tackle box.
5. Catch and release: A popular practice among fishermen, but also the best cover up I’ve ever found for a fishless day.
6. Boating into the sunset: What happens when I motor out on the lake, unaware that my boat’s drain plug is out.
7. The D-Day launch: When I shove my boat off the trailer, certain that I had securely tied off the bow rope. And, of course, there is not another boater in sight as my boat quietly drifts out into the lake, with bow rope floating along behind.
8. The dry dock launch: This happens when I actually believed the wife could back me and boat into the water. But then for reasons still not clear, she slammed on the brakes, sending boat and me sliding off the trailer and onto the concrete nowhere near the water.
9. I caught a few: This is my standard answer when a fellow angler asks me how I’m doing. Of course “a few” can be any number which is usually zero.
10. IIIIIYYYYYEEEEEEE!: A sound made when a fishing partner is about to create a hole in my face where my nose is located with a treble-hooked lure he is about to cast.
11. A memorable moment: A big fish caught with witnesses on a near-by dock or boat. (Hey, it’ not just me. All fishermen are natural show-offs!)
12. The Texas spin step: The maneuver used when a family of five suddenly steps out of the bushes while I’m standing up in my boat using my portable urinal. This, of course, results in me peeing all over myself.
13. Fisherman’s toilet paper: Any form of wipe to use during an emergency when actual toilet paper is not available; usually something with all the absorbent qualities of wax paper.
14. A fisherman’s lunch: After forgetting lunch on the kitchen counter, lunch becomes stale bread wrapped around a strange form of dehydrated peanut butter and jelly from…okay, I don’t have the slightest idea when it was left in the boat.
And lastly, two of my blog followers each used a word in my comment box that immediately created crackling wisps of smoke emanating from my ears, and sending me scrambling for a dictionary. And you know who you are! Anyway, because I was so impressed with their expanded use of the English language, I promised them I would find a use for those words in one of my posts. That way I could have the chance to blow the brain fuse of some other unsuspecting illiterate soul. But first of all, I thought it only fair to give a fisherman’s definition of those words.
15. Petard: “An explosive device thrown in the water that will catch fish when no other lure will, resulting in fish immediately coming to the surface while at the same time swimming upside down.”
16. Verbage: “Making more of the written or spoken word than is necessary; hot-winded; drawing attention to oneself; flaunting self-importance.” Though not actually being familiar with the word itself, my wife compares me to its definitions quite regularly. I would go into more detail on the subject but I don’t want myself perceived as being aaa…er, verbageous.