A Man’s Only Idea Of When Small Is Better

I tried every trick I could think of. I threw a temper tantrum, I fell down on my praying knees and begged, I even faked a reoccurrence of an old injury, which was not that far from reality when I fell down on my knees. But I didn’t so much as put a scratch in my wife’s stone-cold heart. Talk about evil! With a raising of her bony finger, Maxine forced me into joining her in another…are you ready for this? I mean really ready?  another spring cleaning. Six hours, countless strained muscles, and enough exchanges of curse words to send all residence of a monastery into hyperventilation, we were done. And now I have only one thing to say. We have far more house than we need.

Our home is a two-story, nine room, three bedroom structure. It has two and a half baths. For God only knows what reason, each upstairs bathroom even has two sinks. The only time the second sink in either bathroom gets any attention is when they are occasionally dusted. In fact the last time I opened a faucet for one of those sinks dust did come out. We have two rooms we only occasionally visit, and that’s just to reassure ourselves that they haven’t rusted away from lack of use. Our front room is only used if we have an overflow of guests, which may be once a year, its furnishings and carpet looking newer than a showroom display. Upstairs is a bedroom minus the bed that my wife calls her hobby room. And some day she may even take up a hobby to use it for. Because we are the closest home to our International Airport, our third bedroom actually has a bed in it, and is occasionally used for a guest needing a place to spend the night, and hitch a ride to the airport. And to my wife, our stairs to the second floor is a torture climb. I don’t have to see my wife walking up the stairs. All I have to do is listen to her joints. Bottom line, for just us two old farts it’s far more house than we need. But what would be our perfect home?

Well, the heck with Maxine’s thoughts on the matter. If she wants them known, let her take out her own blog. This one is mine. First of all, I need a comfortable, spacious and warm room…er, garage for my bassboat. Remember, this is my blog! Secondly, it would be a one bedroom home. Sorry, no extra bedrooms for one of our free-loading relatives and their kids to crash temporarily for God only knows how long. It would have a grassed yard just a little larger than a postage stamp. And absolutely no flower beds…okay, maybe one small spot to grow a cactus or two. Anyway, a home where my wife would have a far better chance of blowing a brain fuse before she could think up any torturous “honey-do’s,” which have a bad habit of fowling up anything enjoyable. And a home that’s within a short drive of a couple of my favorite bass lakes, and yet still close enough to a shopping mall that my wife can make it there in a mere day or two. Remember…my post?

Anyway, this is something we’re going to have to give serious consideration within the next couple years. Of course, I doubt if I’ll get any of my requests, but what is a man’s blog for if not to dream….


11 thoughts on “A Man’s Only Idea Of When Small Is Better

  1. Haha you had me with the title….. but I have to give it to you for actually cleaning for 6 hours (or actually, I might have to applaud your wife’s ability to persuade a man to clean)!

  2. That’s right. Here is the place for you to vent. To be man. To pass gas if you will, in the absence of criticism.

    On houses, I’ve come to agree with you, that the most important room in the house is indeed the garage. A woman may say the kitchen is the heart of the home, and all that, and if this is so, then the garage is the liver! And a garage lovingly housing a prized bass boat is a healthy thing!

    Good luck, Rick. But it sounds like she wears the pants in your house!

  3. LOL! Don’t knock the extra bathrooms. Who wants to share? Tell Maxine to get her blog going so we can hear her side of the story! But go ahead and keep putting all your dreams on your blog.

  4. I love my own bathroom. It’s the extra sink that has me scratching my head, not to mention other bodily locations that demand morning attention. And I am not going to mention her writing her own blog….After all, the truth is highly overrated, and down right boring when it comes to a good story.

  5. A man’s blog is his private domain. My wife never reads mine…thinks it’s disgusting and embarrassing her in front of the whole world. Hang in there Bro.

    • Back in my days of writing outdoor humor I always made a point of showing my wife any article ready for submission if she was a part of the storyline.Though some of her situations were terribly exaggerated, she never asked me to change anything. Now that I’m only writing for my blog, I do the same. Though having no personal interest, she looks at my writing as a hobby that no longer brings in a paycheck, but still a hobby nonetheless.

  6. Whoa! You have 9 rooms in your home and it’s just the two of you? Well, I’m glad to see you considered your wife in choosing your dream home. Making sure there’s a shopping mall ‘close by’. I’m sure she’d appreciate that.
    hehehehe. You’re funny.
    Blessings =)

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