I have a friend who is now a retired mechanic, but many years back was a Washington State Hiway Patrolman. But after five years of being away from his family every weekend and holiday, he had had enough and quit. Anyway, at a BBQ we had for friends, he and I struck up a conversation. Somehow the conversation came around to his days as a patrolman, and how he made the decision to give out either a warning or a ticket. Out of that came the topic of some of the best excuses drivers came up with why they shouldn’t get a ticket. Each story brought the same thought, “did they actually believe that would work?” Here’s a few that come to mind.
!. He actually had long-haired drunk pee his pants, showed him his pot belly and wet pants, and then told him he was a pregnant woman, and that the water just broke…Didn’t work.
2. One speeding driver told him that his car is on recall because of an unexplained acceleration problem, and he was on his way to the shop to have it fixed…Didn’t work.
3. One lady told him her accelerator had been broke for years, and she had no choice but to always drive at the same speed…Didn’t work.
4. A fellow officer told him he had pulled over a man driving a Corvette which was clocked at 100 mph in a 55. When he walked up to the car he told the driver,”Man, you were flying. So you better have a pilot’s license or you’re getting a ticket.” Without cracking a smile, the driver pulled out a card and handed it to him. It was a pilot’s license. “What did you do?” The officer shrugged. “I’m a man of my word. I let him go.” Did work.
5. He once pulled a woman over for running a four-way blinking red stop light. She told him she didn’t do anything illegal, because she went through the intersection between blinks…Didn’t work.
I end this with a personal story.
I was around 10 years old when my father and I went fishing for salmon out on Puget Sound. Whether it was something my father had eaten or what, I don’t know. Anyway, suddenly he said, “Oh man, I have to find a bathroom!” and he stomped on the gas. On the road along the bay there was, and to this day, still is a one way tunnel, with a sign at each end saying, “Sound horn before entering.” My father roared into the tunnel without stopping, laying on the horn all the way through. Unfortunately, on the other side was a city police car. He pulled us over.
Before the policeman could say a word my father blurted out, “You can follow me to a bathroom and then take me to jail if you want. But right now I have the runs so bad I could shit through a screen door without hitting a wire.” With that said, he stomped on the gas, leaving the policeman standing in the street. I looked back, and as far as I could see, the officer was still standing in the street looking in our direction. He never did come after us. Obviously, that was an excuse that worked.