Author’s Note: Children in a Christian school are sometimes given a Bible chapter to read and then give a report on what they believe it said. Here are some out-takes, misspelled words and all. Enjoy…
1. In the book of Guinessis God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
3. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark and the animals came on in pears.
4. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
5. The Jews were a proud people throughout history. They had trouble with unsympathatic genitals.
6. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jesebel like Delilah.
7. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
8. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
9. The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cianide to get the ten commandments.
10. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
11. The seventh commandment is Thou shalt not admit adultery.
12. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
13. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.
14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15.When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on people’s heads.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live my sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Mathew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached Holy Acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.