What The Hell?

I have said several times before, I am quite entertained watching paranormal programs, such as Ghost Hunters. But I will admit that on occasion I can get irritated. More than once I’ve said, “What the hell?  I could have made that same show in my home, and it doesn’t have a ghost one.”

Watching a paranormal program is like gleaning through a dump truck of gravel hoping to find one or two precious stones. I find myself grumbling when some investigator puts his hand out, supposedly feeling the air, and says, “I sense a deceased person in the room.” No shit, Dick Tracey! I believe I could make the same statement in my front room. Needless to say, I don’t get too excited over someone telling me what he or she is “sensing.”

Another one that can bring instant groans is, “something just touched me, or pulled my pocket, or tugged or touched my hair. Once more, a phenomena not witnessed, leaving the viewer with no choice but to take the person’s word for it. BORING!

And then there are the words that I can always, I mean always count on. “Did you hear that?” No I didn’t, thank you. Because of the background music these programs seem to find necessary, I couldn’t hear a chorus line of ghosts performing their version of the Radio City Music Hall’s Rockets in the same room!

I always loved the “response” trick. “Can you finish this?” Knock, knock, da knock knock… This is when any ghost within hearing distance is supposed to sound out the ending, knock, knock. And the spirits always seem to cooperate! “Did you hear that?” I guess dead people are suckers for a game usually only played with children.

Foot steps are a regular happening. Though I truly believe in ghosts, common sense tells me that a spirit has to have weight to create the sound of footsteps or creakings. That can only mean that a spirit that left a body which has long since rotted away in some far-off grave took his body weight with it. And what about the sounds of boots or high heels, not to mention spirits being seen wearing attire of their era? Where did they get their attire? I’m quite sure if any body were to be exhumed from their final resting place, the clothing they were dressed in would still be there, or what was left of them. Does the spirit world have clothing stores? And if there are such stores, my guess is their selection is rather limited. The reason I say that is it seems many of the seen spirit women are either wearing white or black, with an occasional grey thrown in. The men are usually wearing black. And I won’t even go into the retail outlets required to purchase perfume or cigars for the smells sometimes noticed.

And why is it only ghosts of the last three or four centuries are found? Is there a given window of time that one is allowed to walk around in the spirit world? I mean, I have not seen one paranormal program where an investigator said, “Did you see that? An ape-like looking guy dressed in animal skins!”

How I understand the spirit realm, which I admit is quite limited,  there are three types of hauntings. There is the poltergeist, which I won’t even go into. Then there is a residual haunting, which is supposedly another time dimension in which its occupants are unaware they are even being observed. And then there is the haunting where the spirits are very much aware of the present and those around them. Excluding the residual for obvious reasons, why are ghosts so shy? A paranormal investigation almost always seems to be a cat and mouse game, with the mouse always doing its thing in another room or part of the building. Hell, I might be a show-off, but if I were forced to spend eternity wondering around a dank old building, I would be giddy with excitement for a chance to have some fun with any living visitors. I mean, I’d be more than happy to sit down and carry on a communication in any form possible with a visitor who was nice enough to drop by. And if I didn’t like a particular investigator, I would simply scare the living shit out of him. I mean, after I was finished, he would be overjoyed replacing his present ghost hunting job with flipping burgers at McDonald’s. Anyway, why be so elusive? What, is someone going to kill me? I mean if the law of Double Jeopardy were ever to be applied, this would be it. Pretty tough for a person to die twice.

That brings me to a real favorite statement I hear spoken over and over. “We’re not here to hurt or harm you in any way.” Yeah, right! Hello! I’m already dead! Come on, give it your best shot!  And I love it when investigators say, “Hello?” and/or “Is anybody here?” I have never, ever heard a response to those two questions. Never! Yet they continue to ask them. What are they expecting? “Why hell yes I’m here, guys. What’s brings you out this time of night?” No, it never happens.

Before each program, the people who live or work in the suspect building are questioned. I can’t remember one person telling of their experience having it happen with every light in the building off.  Not one! Without exception, they all occurred during daylight hours and/or with the lights on. So why do all investigators feel it necessary to hinder their investigation in the worst way possible, by doing it in pitch darkness, using only flashlights? My only guess is they’re going for the old “deer-in-the-headlights” ploy.

If there is one aspect of the ghosts who make the decision to materialize is they are sneaky. They somehow know exactly where to position themselves to always be in the investigator’s parifial vision. If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a hundred times. “I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye.” How do they do that? Simple. It’s paranormal.

On a little more serious note. I am open to adult ghosts eternally wandering about a structure. But I never could, and never will understand the concept of a child spirit. If there is a God and Heaven, which I truly believe there is, (which is the only supernatural experience I have ever had, but that’s another story,) how could it be possible for the spirit of an innocent child to be cursed to an eternal existence in some dark and dank place on earth? Talk about a person who should have a one-way ticket to Heaven, immediately!

But you want to know what is really supernatural about all of this? With all the bellyaching I’ve just did…I will continue to watch these programs for three reasons. One, I do believe in ghosts. Through experiences of close friends and relatives who have absolutely no reason to lie. Two, what I have seen on paranormal programs seems very difficult to explain away.  And, three, I will continual to live half my life by the old saying, “Ignorance is bliss,” which is why I continue to eat baloney and weenies. So, on the same note, I will keep watching what I believe to be true, and let the unknowns take care of themselves….


6 thoughts on “What The Hell?

  1. I don’t think I can answer your questions, but I think it’s something like what everyone tells you about wild animals “They are just as afraid of you as you are of them.” I’m surmising that they are in a state of “What the hell is happening to me” just like we are when we have a paranormal experience.

    But I do have to agree with you on these shows. And the music! Good God! I understand they want to give that eerie atmosphere, but balance that shit out, will ya!?! There are only a couple shows that I like to watch. Then there are others that the hosts are just too unbelievable. Too excitable. Too dramatic.

  2. When it comes to the one with an over abundance for the dramatic, I think I know which one you’re talking about. Like I said, I don’t have the answers, and probably never will. But that does not mean they don’t exist, or my interest will ever wane.

  3. They do these investigations in buildings that are 2…3…..400 years old and report strange creaks and noises? duh!!! They aren’t haunted – they are old!

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