Very few television advertisements catch my eye. But one that can perk me right up is a fast food ad. Especially if I’m hungry at the time. You name the Stop-N-Slop and I’ve been there. But there is always one aspect of my purchase that always, and I mean always, disappoints me. The morsel shown in the ad never ever looks even remotely close to the reality of what I unwrap at the restaurant.
I’m well aware that what I partake of at a fast food restaurant is high in calories and fat, and low in nutritional value. I can live with that. Or, as my over-dramatizing doctor says, die with that. He is such a pessimist! To him if the food’s taste doesn’t equal that of chewing on a piece of cardboard or grazing on my front lawn, then it’s not good for me. Spit it out. What a killjoy! But if I am doing harm to my body, I want the food I bought to look at least close to their advertisement. But they never do. And there are a few that come to mind.
When it comes to hamburgers, in every commercial the meat is literally spilling out over the bun. In reality a search and rescue team is almost required to find the meat hidden deep within. To their credit I will say the bun always looks the same size. Just not the meat.
There was one commercial I really got excited about. It was the pork rib burger. I think most know which one I’m talking about. It’s a Scottish name. Wink! Wink! Once again the piggy meat in the commercial was equal if not larger than the diameter of the bun. Once unwrapped the meat was not visible without opening the bun. I will say the shape of the ground pork rib paddie was authentic. They actually molded it in such a fashion that it looked as though it had little ribs sticking out the sides. Cute! And it was so thickly smothered with barbecue sauce, it could have been ground cat. I would have never known the difference.
Not long back I was sucked in by a commercial showing their bacon extravaganza burger. I mean there it was. Two fat paddies, layered with six slices of thick, crinkling bacon strips, long enough that they flowed out both sides of the bun. I quickly grabbed a napkin to stop the slobber from dribbling down my chin. At lunch time the following day I couldn’t get in my car fast enough to get there. I love a good bacon burger! But when I actually opened the product, the paddies were their normal mini self, but, worse yet, the bacon even smaller. Yes, there were the six slices. But instead of being thick and long strips, they were little stubbles, not even close to hanging out both sides, and thin enough I could have read a newspaper through them. By law, when does false advertising come into play?
I would love to take a picture of their advertised product to one of these restaurants and demand that what I purchase look exactly like the photo. But I would probably end up on our local newspaper’s Police Blotter the following day. And, because of the embarrassment, I’m quite sure I couldn’t depend on my wife to bail me out. And I’m also quite sure my doctor would just tell me, “Look at the bright side. You’re putting less of that artery-clogging crap in your body.” Oh go gnaw on a cardboard box!
But the bottom line is I’ll continue visiting fast food locals. Hey, I’ve quit smoking, and slowed my drinking to that of an almost normal person. How much more can be asked of a 67 year old man? And I take a daily dose of Lipitor to control my cholesterol. Like the commercial says, “When diet and exercise aren’t enough, try Lipitor.” The fact that I don’t diet or exercise is beside the point. Unlike my fast food promises…come on, Lipitor, do what you advertise!