After years of experience we unfortunately had to learn some of the laws of levitation the hard way. One of those laws learned was that after reaching a certain weight the power to levitate is seriously hindered.
Darold Twingly, Harley’s brother was in the same seventh grade class as Harley and myself. It’s not that the two were twins. They weren’t. Darold and Harley just weren’t too bright, with Darold being held back a couple more grades than Harley. In fact, Darold was the only kid in our class that not only could sport facial hair, he could also show a four o’clock shadow by the time school let out at three. One day he had the unbelievable fortune to get his hands on an artificial replica of regurgitated food, or better known as a “Puke Pad.” Whetted under the faucet, it looked better than the real thing. We couldn’t wait for the right opportunity to levitate someone with it. Though we all agreed we couldn’t waste anything so valuable on just anyone, I had no idea that Darold and Harley made the decision to use it on our English teacher, Miss Hordley.
It was not until I walked into her classroom that I knew what their plan was. I gave a shuddered grown when I saw it. Laying smack dab in the middle of Miss Hordley’s chair was the ominous pile of plastic, glistening in all its realistic splendor. I swallowed hard as I looked to the snickering duo seated at the rear of the classroom. Obviously Darold and Harley figured she would see the piece of plastic fakery before sitting down, levitate a little, and then a good laugh would be had by all. I wasn’t quite so sure. It was then that Miss Hordley waddled in. At a guessed weight of an easy two hundred and fifty pounds spread out over a five foot one inch frame, it took a few seconds for all of her to come through the door. “Good morning, class,” she chortled as she stepped behind her desk to sit down. What happened next instantly turned a cute little jest into a seventh grader’s worst nightmare.
It was obvious that Miss Hordley saw the plastic puddle just as she began sitting down, but was unable to stop the downward plunge of her mass. And it was also obvious that Darold and Harley didn’t take into consideration the possible limits of levitation. But I know for a fact she at least made a valiant effort, levitating half way to the side of the chair before the laws of gravity got the best of her. While omitting a high pitched squeal she attempted to stop her fall by desperately grabbing for the corner of her desk. Unfortunately, the only object she got her hand on was the plastic desk cover. Coming down on the chair’s armrest, the chair instantly ricocheted out of the area. The desk cover she had a death grip on and everything on it, including several stacks of papers, a stapler, two paper weights, an open bottle of ink, a globe of the Earth, and a flowered cup that held a variety of pens and pencils came crashing down with her. In silent unison the chins of every kid in the room dropped as their eyes widened in disbelief. Darold and Harley were no exception. It was not a pleasant sight to witness. As legs flailed air, so did her dress, revealing her abundant anatomy in all its cellulite glory.
At the first rattling of walls and windows, students and teachers in a three room radius evacuated the building, thinking they were experiencing an earthquake. For weeks after Darold and Harley wished it had been an earthquake.
To Be Continued-Part 3