What’s For Lunch?

Because payback can be hell, loggers didn’t often mess with someone else’s lunch pale. But that’s not to say it didn’t happen. But like I said, payback could be expected.

Like the time Bill put a wart frog he’d found in Jeff’s lunch pale. When he opened it there sitting smack dab in the middle of his wax-wrapped bologna sandwich was the frog staring up at him. It took a week or more but Jeff got his revenge. Under a mossy old wind fallen log he saw a big salamander. Every bit six inches long, it was an ugly dark brown, thickly built and had a face only a mother could love. Jeff waited until after lunch, found Bill’s lunch bucket and slid the salamander in his now empty thermos bottle. Being a tight fit, Jeff inserted it tail first. Of course everyone knew of his caper except for Bill.

The following morning we were all giddy with anticipation to hear what happened when Bill discovered it. Well, it turns out it wasn’t he who found the slimy critter. It was Bill’s wife. Much to our twisted glee he told us his wife filled the thermos with water and gave it a good shake to wash it out. It was then she heard the ka-thunk-ka-thunk as the poor creature rattled around inside. She then raised the thermos to see what was inside. It was then she realized she was staring at two bugged eyes looking back at her.

Bill said he did a fine job of levitating off his recliner when the thermos crashed against the wall at the same moment his wife let out a blood-curdling scream. Payback came via Jeff having to listen to his wife’s screaming tirades for the next hour. I believe that was the last time he ever screwed with anybody’s lunch.

Willie had the habit of always opening up his sandwiches to study their contents before eating. It made no difference if he had one or three, he checked each and every one. It was a habit we all made mention of at one time of another. For that reason Brad got the idea to insert a fake love note in one of them. The note read something to the fact, “Willie honey, I’ve been feeling horny lately. When you get home I’ll have a surprise waiting for you in the bedroom.” The joke was intended to end with Willie opening his sandwich, discovering the note, reading it, then going home all ready for action, only to find his wife asking what the heck he was talking about. A simple prank but, hey, it didn’t take much to amuse the mind of a simple minded logger! Brad then carefully re-wrapped the sandwich and returned it to it proper location. When lunch time came it was raining, so we ate in the crew bus. Willie sat up front, while the rest of us waited patiently to the rear for him to make the discovery.

Suddenly we all gave each other surprised looks. Of all days, on this rare occasion Willie didn’t open his sandwich. He simply unwrapped it and began eating. But we figured all was not lost. No one said a word as we waited for him to taste the paper, pull open the bread, and then read the note. It didn’t happen. Without slowing, he ate the entire sandwich, love note and all. Totally disappointed with the outcome, I don’t think anyone ever saw the point in telling him.

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