In the past, whether it be my birthday or Christmas, my wife has valiantly attempted to buy me gifts that even remotely have anything to do with my “other mistress,” fishing. Bless her heart, her motives were pure! Unfortunately, because her knowledge on the subject of fishing ranks just below astrophysics, her purchases always left something to be desired. “Thank you, honey,” I would say with a weak smile. “Just what I needed. 6000 yards of fishing line, made by….I’m sorry, I can’t read Japanese.”
She gave me a proud smile. “And I bought it on sale. Can you believe it? All that fishing line for only $3.99!”
“Wow,” I mutter.
“And wait till you see the fishing bobbers!” she continued “Their colors all match your fishing poles and reels!”
Okay, for those who know anything about fishing, I have said enough.
I tried so hard to show appreciation. I really did! But women’s emotional radar is far beyond what the mortal male understands. She reads me like a book! “Fine! Here’s a gift card for the Bass Pro Shop. Have a ball!”
“Thank you!” I muttered to myself, not to mention my Lord. Hey! If you think that it is not right thanking the Lord, don’t forget who some of Jesus’ disciples were… fishermen. That wasn’t by mistake!
Anyway, this year I used my gift card to purchase a camcorder. Not just any ole’ “taking videos of the grandkids” camcorder, but a sports camcorder! This little baby mounts on the brim of my hat. Now I can make videos of my fishing trips for all to enjoy! Okay, as far as weirdness, that may rank up there with being invited over to my aunt and uncle’s home to watch videos of their trip to a therapeutic spa in an Arizona retirement center. To this day I still have nightmares! But that’s okay, I’ll enjoy them. And if you read my post on “Fighting Fishing Withdrawal,” these videos could be a ground-breaking antidote! But, unfortunately, that brings up another problem. Fishing can become complicated….
Out on a lake, my bassboat has every piece of electronic gadgetry known to man. I have a graph recorder that not only shows water depth and its temperature, it shows the fish below the boat. I have a GPS, being tracked by satellites 22,000 miles in space that shows my every move, so when I see a school of bass, with a touch of a button, I can mark their exact location. I even own an underwater camera that I can lower to the bottom to see them in living black and white on my onboard video screen! Okay, I do not own any equipment that actually makes the fish bite, which can sometimes be a minor setback. But that’s okay! I have buttons all around me, just barely lacking, “Command Central, beam me up.” But with technology comes decisions when on the lake.
Okay, depth finder turned on, check. Reading bottom, check. Am I at the right depth? Is the water temperature right? Where’s the fish?
Okay, fish found. I see them on the gragh recorder, and I mark their location on my GPS. Okay, put down lure. Is it the right lure? Turn on camcorder? No, no one wants to see a video of me catching nothing. That ranks up there with the Arizona retirement spa. Wait for the bite. No bite. Are they bass or some other fish? Should I lower the camera to make sure? Beads of sweat begin dimpling my forehead. The pressure! I’ve passed them. Turn on the GPS to relocate my school of fish…
Oh the hell with it! I dig through the tackle box and find the color-coordinated bobbers my wife gave me three years ago and put on a worm. Hey, a few what-ever-bites is better than nothing. Sigh!